I’m Writing…

It is important… if only to myself. To admit this is a big step.

Some people I have known at different stages in my life insist that I am entirely self-centered. I hope this is not true. It may well be true, but we can never really see ourselves from a perspective outside of the self.

Well, that may not be true. People who have experienced NDEs often seem to say they have looked down upon themselves as their soul, or selves, left their bodies and traveled to another realm. These people, who obviously have returned to our reality, or they would not be saying anything, also seem to have made peace with themselves and live with an acceptance of self that can extend to self-forgiveness. At least this is what I know from reading the memoirs of such people and watching video, film, and listening to podcasts of them.

What is self-centered? There are so many ways to define or describe this: selfish, egotistical, taking care of yourself first, only thinking of yourself.

So, I don’t know if I’m writing for me or you. I know that for the last couple of years I haven’t been writing. I was all prepared to put all my memoir writing together edit and publish. Also have probably 10 short books, more like workbooks than anything else that could be self published. But life redirected me. Per usual. I am beginning to think I am fearful of success, finishing, carrying through.

But for now I’m going to go with kidney infection in early 2024 at the same time I was preparing my husband’s 70th birthday surprise party.

I’d actually been busy for many months before that as I was do what was necessary to get any money from my inheritance. Family, legal shit, and a partition action. That was emotionally fraught. But eventually I did manage to get some liquidity from the land my mother left me.

So being exhausted, becoming quite ill, and attempting to figure out how to best improve my life, and my family’s, with the funds. Eventually I learned a bunch about re-roofing, getting new windows installed, and installing mini-splits in 2/3 of my house. Then I had the back room of my house, the kitchen and the living room, remodeled. Installing new kitchens are not small tasks. Oh and the guest bath / powder room was also sort of remodelled… new fixtures. It was a busy couple of years. And somehow during that time I had one of the age bumps that hit every few years and realized I was getting old. I’ve never considered it. I was aging well. Then “”boom” it is now and I am turning 70 next year.

I will return to writing, am returning to writing. It starts as I am finishing up odds and ends on the house. (Just had half of my house re-plumbed as a pipe broke.). So those little books and my memoir will get attention again, and there is other stuff I have to write up such as family history, notes on photos, and collections, and such. And letters. I would like to write letters to friends again.

No way to live a legacy other than to do this stuff. More soon.