Mothers
Mothers are probably the most influential people in the world. I am not sure that it was always this way for every culture in the world. In Sparta, mothers gave their sons over to the state to begin training as warriors at age seven. In upper class, historic, European families mothers did not nurse or breastfeed their children, were largely reared by wet nurses, nannies, and governesses , then sent away to school at an early age. In earlier times children older than toddlers essentially were treated as small adults, worked in the fields alongside adults, and had hard lives with no special treatment by mothers and others.
Other things that could have impacted motherly behavior and attitude was the very high rate of infant and child death, a large number of pregnancies, and older siblings providing most of the care for younger siblings. The mother of today was not the mother of yesterday, but we will never really know the full story, as home life and women’s roles were often ignored, diminished or mischaracterized in documents that mentioned them as all.
And The Others
Not all women are mothers, but all women can, theoretically, mentor, influence and love. When you consider the people who have shaped your life in unexpected ways, mentors, role models, heroines from history might all have nourished the spark of an idea within you, or nurtured an aspect of yourself when no one else cared to do so. There is no reason to believe that earlier times were different, although the communities and information bases to which girls had access were quite small compared to the size and number of spheres of interaction in today’s world.
Teachers are probably the most often mentioned persons that have significant influence on children and young adults. Those influences can be recalled fondly by adults who took encouragement from the attention and guidance of someone who took the time to help, instruct, or just talk to them when they were children in a way or at a time that was critical in their lives.
Teacher working at her classroom desk
Surrogate grandmothers and neighbor ladies are undervalued in their influence. The women who offer the alternative views to the status quo, eccentrics, old maids, crazy cat ladies, pigeon feeders, and other women who have born labels such as witches, the outliers to so-called appropriate society hold a wealth of knowledge to which mainstream society would prefer go away or be suppressed. These are the secrets of folk medicine, underground railways, speakers of truth to power, and of life based on what really happens when you break the rules.
Nearly forgotten family women, the women behind the old lockets, letters, and handkerchieves tied with ribbons in boxes and attics, can capture our imaginations with the small details remembered through decades and even centuries passed. These women, known perhaps only by first names and husbands’ family names become iconic nails in the wall of a hallway of memories and stories through which we walk when we need to gather up and draw upon the meanings we may have layered over them and which we cannot find among our current experiences. They allow us to claim family or genetic origins for the strength, inspiration, and traits we need to summon up in ourselves.
The image below is of Gene Stratton-Porter. She was one of the early amateur science writers and photographers who employed ethological methods unheard of in the scientific literature until half a century later when Jane Goodall made time-intensive, nonaggressive acclimation standard procedure in her studies of chimpanzees.
Women involved in natural sciences, travel, and documentary production often received sparks of inspiration from women like Goodall and Gene Stratton-Porter. Rachel Carson drew inspiration from Gene Stratton-Porter’s best selling fiction, such as Song of the Cardinal, the method through which Porter financed her amateur science publications. These oft unknown influences and role-models shapes the behavior of women at the very highest levels of societal organization.
There are so many ways that women through time support those women who come after them. We only know the stories of some of these women. Many stories of influence just are not preserved. It is not only good, it is world-changing when we acknowledge our inspirational foremothers.
I’ve been watching the PBS series on fetal surgery and I just saw what I think is the last episode. The series’ best inspiration came from these beautiful, loving moms of kids that could and do have terrible issues like spina bifida and more. I found myself moved beyond measure at mothers’ love.
A mother’s love is amazing, but not all those who can love fully and selflessly are mothers. For that I am thankful.
Some of my favorite women in the world are exactly this: “Not all women are mothers, but all women can, theoretically, mentor, influence and love.” Not mothers but fabulous influencers filled with love to spread and share.
I can’t imagine NOT being a mother. Thankfully we all have the choice (for the most part), though, and can be strong, influential, important, loving women who nurture the world and make it a better place for those we’ve birthed as well as those we didn’t.
Powerful post. Loved!
Thank you Lisa, I cannot imagine not having my girl, the light of my life, but some of the women who have most influenced me have chosen career over family – back in the day when that was a choice your were told you had to make.
Women are SO powerful, such a force for good. You have said it with perfection. Just lovely.
Thank you Cheryl. I wish all women knew this!
This past weekend I was forced to cancel a trip with my two best friends and their mom, which I’m still very sad about. She is my mentor. Without knowing it she made an impression on me as a young girl by who she was and how she conducted herself in the world. With grace, dignity and respect for everyone and everything. I ended up FaceTime(ing) with her and told her exactly that. I figured it was about time to tell her.
I love this post for so many reasons, Nancy. It is both intelligent, nourishing and magical. Love posts about women! Great job.
Thanks Cathy. I am trying to write basic articles this month, but still have them be pretty good reference-wise and somewhat positive or inspiring. Glad you think I have succeeded to some degree!
Love this. I am a huge fan of women everywhere. As mothers go … there is not greater love. Motherhood isn’t for everybody, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be awesome, loving, tender and giving just the same. Amen!
And we have so much to learn from all the paths those significant others who are older than us have walked!
I love that you included the others. We all have our purpose and those of us that discover that purpose are the happiest. A women does not have to be a mother to love unconditionally.
I am really enjoying your posts.
I did not have a child until I was in my thirties and I fully expected to chose childlessness but life intervened and I am quite happy that my daughter taught me what it was to be loved. She is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. But so many of my friends chose and stuck with their belief that what they were doing was the best thing to pursue and are childless. They are wonderful, vivacious, loving women I am proud to know and who any woman of any age would be lucky to know.