Plotting and Scheming Out of the Darkness

I cannot seem to finish the posts I am writing.  I lose interest with tasks if I do not complete them in one pass through.  It is not exactly disinterest which I associate with depression. It is sort of a numbness.  Rainy and cloudy days in Tucson, Winter’s arrival, might explain my blah-ness.
Reacting to a life in which I am, almost daily, realizing things I should have asked of someone in my family before there was no one left to ask might explain it.
I am disturbed by police getting off without even a ruffle of a real brush with justice for murdering young boys and men with dark skin.  The racism that is everywhere in America along with the relatively recent militarization of police forces combines into a really frightening and alien landscape.
My innermost, Pollyanna, self  still believes in the goodness that all humans are born with, no original sin for me, nope, and no matter how lousy things get, and believe me, I know lousy, I have to believe that people are inherently better than they seem to be if we get our information about humanity from the airwaves and digital papers rather than from the individuals that make up humanity.
I know that individuals are good, mostly, and that individuals can have substantial influence and change the course of major processes, sometimes.  I also learned many moons ago in school that behaviors rewarded by intermittent reinforcement are the most difficult ones to extinguish.  The fact that something does not work all the time does not deter me from trying to make it work.
Somewhere deep down inside, I also know that women can successfully change the  negative course of where our world seems to be heading.  If my voice can motivate or encourage one person to act to build a better world, shouldn’t I do it?  I’m wondering what I can do that will be or promote the most significant and positive change in the world.
I keep thinking that the amazing women I am lucky enough to know could do amazing things if we engaged in a collective effort.
I want to get re-involved with NOW that has sagged a bit here in Tucson with the new chapter’s founder’s ill-health.
I also have thoughts of organizing a month long blogging fest that caters to the intelligent, concerned,  old enough to know better woman writer.  Not necessarily a write every day blog challenge but a “challenge” with options to engage every day, every weekday, or on weekends.
Or maybe to organize a get together of women to discuss writing, wisdom, and what they feel they as yet have to write at a lovely Tucson resort.  NOT a “conference.”  More like an intimate brain trust retreat of sage women writers that happens to take place by a pool with drinks.  No how to sell your writing for cheap to corporations.
I will plot and scheme my way out of the darkness into a better world.  Been doing it all of my life.

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  1. I hope the blahs head on out for you soon. The news is indeed horrible and heartbreaking. I, too, prefer to think people are inherently good. I believe those evil acts that make the news are NOT the norm, not the way most of us are or believe, which is why they are news; average folk don’t make the news.
    I like the idea of your challenge. I look forward to hearing more.

    1. Oh, Lisa, I am so glad you like the challenge idea; I want to organize something for GOOD. More info after cogitating on the subject for a bit.

  2. The news has been depressing, and rainy cloudy days don’t help. We had a few days of rain here in L.A., which we desperately needed and rarely get, though by day 3 I was ready to crawl into bed. Making plans to do something or create something always helps me. Hope the sunshine comes your way soon.

    1. We need the rain here too. And rain does feed the creative venture called life. 70s all next week here. And no more rain for a week. That will be good.

  3. Reading between the lines here Nancy but the Pollyanna in me wants to see the power of our intentions to bring about change hidden in the darkness. I am in and with. We need to find a way to change those things that bring the darkness and we can’t wait much longer. Getting involved with NOW might be the ticket. Keep working!

  4. The news leaves me often feeling disparate. Like you though, I do believe in peoples inherent goodness, to not believe would be too much.
    I like all of your ideas, Nancy. Collaboration can be both empowering and healing. I wonder, where you are in Tucson, have you heard of, Women on the Verge? The founder Ana Lewis, is there. She would be a wonderful person to connect with in the immediate sense, you may fin her at womenontheverge dot net. (Due to an error message, I wasn’t ale to leave the link)
    Your message really resonated with me today, thank you.

  5. I think it’s hard for anyone with any empathy not to feel discouraged these days but i do agree with you that people are good at heart and it’s going to be female energy that will ultimately make the difference. When you figure out the path you want to take – and I have no doubt you will – just know you have a group of us ready to join in.

    1. Thanks for the encouragement Lois. I will be broadcasting far and wide once I figure anything out. I know I am not alone and I thank you and a few other women writers for that.

  6. “I cannot seem to finish the posts I am writing. I lose interest with tasks if I do not complete them in one pass through.”
    You had me at this first line…oh, how I relate. I haven’t posted on my blogs in, wow, a long time. It isn’t only the news that’s affecting me. And the weather. I feel a lack of meaningful conversation and friendship in my life. Dialogue. So I find myself finishing only the comments I make when I read other’s posts. Short bits that it doesn’t matter so much if they’re actually a monologue. So I would welcome–yes!yes!–whatever you’re organizing. The month long blogging fest and the poolside conversations about anything but how to sell your writing to corporations.
    I feel as if I’m in such a different place than I was throughout much of MidLifeBloggers. I wish I could blog about it, but for some reason I can’t…right now.

    1. Oh Jane, I hear you! Sometimes I feel as if I am culturally a bit older than my years while being a bit younger than my years mentally. The familial space I am in is that of a person more typically in her late 60s or early 70s. I’m losing many of the anchoring points in my life and sometimes I just lose the reason for writing. I’m writing more about this all at this very moment. My friend runs a meetup called life’s third trimester and I wish I were chronologically old enough to attend it.

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