• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer
Women's Legacy Project
  • Home
  • About
  • How To Curate
  • Our Collective Legacy
  • Writing Online Memoir
  • Blog
Women's Legacy Project > Blog > KNOW > Review > Film > Aloneness and Memory

Aloneness and Memory

Written by: womenslegacy
Published: August 3, 2015 -- Last Modified: August 3, 2015
10 Comments

BEING AND BELONGING

I am alone.

I always have been alone.

This aloneness is different.

Ultimately it is the state we all are in all of the time.  Consciousness is isolated inside our biological bodies.  I have friends who would argue that our core essence can travel beyond our bodies, but for most people, this is not how the world is viewed.

watch, rose, and photo booth photo

All of my siblings, my four brothers, are dead.  My parents are dead.  The person I considered a best friend when I was young, and such considerations were more important than anything else in the world, died when she was 21. 

I try not to dwell on these facts, but I probably think about this sort of thing more than most people.  I try not to bemoan my situation, as I did not lose my family in a single violent event.  They are all gone none-the-less.

I am not sure what the word for this state of being is.  I have a marriage and a child. Both are in their mid-20s. I am not without family or love.  But the family of my birth is gone.  Orphan implies that I lost my parents when I was a child.  So that is not the right word to describe my state of being and it does not address the lack of siblings.  If I speak of the family of my birth it sounds like I was adopted.  And I was not adopted.  But my natal family is gone.

SYNCRONICITY

There are times I feel as though I am not alone in the universe and that the presence of the universe itself is with me. The feeling comes from where synchronicity bubbles up and nudges at me.  Such an event happened last evening. 

As I wrote the above words about being alone last evening, I decided to mend some fences and build a stile to access the separate fields of inquiry where my husband and I spend our time.  He likes to go to the movies.  I saw that a film, Mr Holmes, I thought we would both want to watch, enjoy might be too upbeat a term, was showing at a local Indy cinema, The Loft.

I knew little of the film other than having heard it was quite good, and that I wanted to see Ian McKellan portray a non-wizardly character.  It was excellent, thought-producing, and, to me, relevant.

Synchronicity seemed to dance through my brain as I watched the film develop the very interplay of ideas that I had begun writing about earlier in the day: aging and how the process elucidates the existential aloneness which intensifies through time as peers, and those we know, disappear. 

CONSTRUCTING MEMORY

The past exists only in memories and when there is no one who shares your memories, how can an event be validated? Holmes, age 93, grappled with senility and the forgetting of the details of the case from decades ago that apparently so shook his belief in his own abilities that he retired from detective work. 

Ultimately understanding that facts, while essential to material stories, are nothing without interpretation.  The interpretations we choose to share with others often have more significance than any complete inventory of facts. beekeeper-19102_1280

Two of my own brothers, the two who passed away this past year, both suffered from dementia or senility.  I have thought a great deal about what they knew and chose to share or not and literally take to the grave with them.  The metaphor of wasps of who attack and live on versus bees that give all for the colony in Mr. Holmes gave me a new frame for contemplating my brothers’ actions and my own.

CONSTRUCTING MEANING

This timeless existential pondering of communication and community coexists with the loneness that is the essential state of being.  Self-sacrifice for the good of the community theme entwines the characters through the apiary sub-plot and I cannot help but think of how material concerns, facts, isolated one brother who suffered greatly, and how another brother who was most concerned with love was happy. 

Infinite permutations of the Mr. Holmes story exist in life, but I am content to irrationally take comfort from the synchronicity of choosing to see this film as I began to write about losing my last sibling during a visit to the city and region of the midwest in which he lived.  Does this logically mean anything?  But it has meaning for me. 

Categories: Film, Loss, ReviewTags: loneness, meaning, memory, Mr Holmes, survivor, synchronicity

Support Independent Bookstores - Visit IndieBound.org
Previous Post: « Does Maturity Modify Truth?
Next Post: What Living Your Legacy Now Means »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Carol Cassara

    August 3, 2015 at 11:08 am

    My father retired from medicine for the same reasons. As you know, I’m a big believer in “no coincidences” and that consciousness resides outside the brain. Your observations about your two brothers fascinate me.

    Reply
    • Nancy Hill

      August 3, 2015 at 11:21 am

      Thanks Carol. I would love to hear more about your father.

      Reply
  2. Estelle

    August 3, 2015 at 1:05 pm

    I do believe in synchronicity. I’m sorry you have lost your natal family but I suppose you truly feel your blessings with your husband and child in this situation.

    Reply
    • Nancy Hill

      August 3, 2015 at 1:13 pm

      Absolutely blessed with my “did it myself” family. Being without any family would set me adrift in a way I am not sure I would want to explore.

      Reply
  3. Ruth Curran

    August 3, 2015 at 1:08 pm

    I understand this aloneness and grappling for what to call it and to find meaning, if any exists, in it all. I had a conversation with a friend recently who just lost her last parent and has no relationship with a living sibling. We talked about that crazy loss of safety net or something feeling — one words just don’t do justice.
    I must see this movie — thank you for bring it to my attention!

    Reply
    • Nancy Hill

      August 3, 2015 at 1:16 pm

      Ruth, you absolutely have to see this film. Excellent, excellent, excellent bit of cinematic story-telling. And the bonus of the main character being Holmes and revolving around deduction and memory make it essential watching for you!

      Reply
  4. Tam Warner Minton

    August 3, 2015 at 4:11 pm

    I have cousins and my brother left…and it is hard to imagine being without them. I never thought about it before, really. It makes me terribly sad.

    Reply
    • Nancy Hill

      August 3, 2015 at 5:58 pm

      I never thought it would happen so soon, but with my parents being older, and my brothers being 9 to 17 years my senior, I suppose it was inevitable. But it has given me a perspective that few 50 somethings have, so I write from my boomer perspective on a topic that is not yet foremost on our cohort’s mind. I hope to inform, not sadden. Just cherish every moment with them, as I am sure you do.

      Reply
  5. Lois Alter Mark

    August 3, 2015 at 11:24 pm

    This makes me so sad and I can’t imagine the aloneness you feel after losing your original family. I’m sorry, Nancy, and I hope you feel the love from your husband, child and friends. I really want to see Mr. Holmes. It sounds like a very special and thought-provoking movie.

    Reply
  6. Nancy Hill

    August 4, 2015 at 8:14 am

    Thanks Lois. The movie is excellent and it does highlight the most existential concerns of aging aging and memory.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badgeShow more posts

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Footer

Recent Posts

  • Ending, and Beginning
  • For Our Daughters
  • Stand and Write
  • Context and Little Things
  • A Month is Just a Month… as Time Goes By
  • Processing Two Very Different Deaths
  • A Dehydrated and Delusional Friend Found Wandering in 100° Heat
  • About Women’s Legacy & Hill Research
  • Privacy Policy and Terms of Use

Archives

Powered by
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
View my Flipboard Magazine.

© 2023, Nancy Hill, Women's Legacy Project of Hill Research Services, LLC

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.Accept Reject Read More
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT