Greetings of the Great Goddess to you Goodly Sir Charles –
Peace be upon you. Please hear my tale of woe. Have no fear. Like all American fairy tales (and most American movies) this one has a happy ending.
I, Fairy Godmother Pinkerina, and my sister Fairy Godmother Code Pink tried to pay a visit to the DNC Convention and were threatened with arrest on Friday if we so much as walked past the entrance to the Wyndham Hotel. I could understand except that the smirking chimp in chief wasn’t even in the building! Usually known for my wisdom, I am still mightily perplexed and awaiting enlightenment…
But let our story proceed… Friday we were exiled to the Starbucks corner — soon likely to be renamed StarEuros. We were told that everything under the overhang going out to the street belongs to the Wyndham Hotel. Undeterred, we “gifted” passing democrats with pink balls of courage and wisdom compliments of Code Pink Phoenix. I expressed confidence that while they themselves surely didn’t need these balls of courage, they should be ready to “gift” any democrat they heard saying foolish things such as “stay the course in Iraq” or “fight a bigger better war” — or even any who were not truly looking out for the interests of the American people.
I instructed them in the proper use of their new balls: while only 3/4″ in diameter, if nurtured, these balls of courage and wisdom would grow bigger in time but if the bearer said anything foolish such as “stay the course in Iraq” or “fight a bigger better war” the balls would simply shrivel up and disappear. They seemed mightily impressed at that point.
I’m confident that we found a good home for our baby balls; these gentlefolk said they loved what we were doing and thanked us. Security, however, watched us for hours to make sure 1. that we didn’t set foot under the overhang and 2. that our pink carnation flowers, individually wrapped pink divinity confections, Code Pink 2×3 cards, printed fortune-cookie-type wishes, and the pretty pink pairs of balls in our baskets weren’t really diabolical explosives.
By sheer coincidence, I’m sure, the FBI was having a yearly gathering in the same hotel on the same day as the DNC Convention. Imagine that! There were FBI agents in the corner Starbucks (I think that was on the corner of Adams and 1st street). They were ever so professional talking into their wired shirt collars so they might go undetected. I feel ever so safe knowing that they are on the job to protect us from Osama Been Forgotten Forever. Always the optimist, I would like to think that they were protecting the fairy godmothers from the security psychos.
Later, I was ever so pleased to see that some of the men we had “gifted” were proudly sporting their new balls in their jacket lapels and the women were carrying our carnations with the peace notes attached all day. One good woman with more balls than most men was good enough to carry a pair of our balls into the DNC Convention and present them to Howard Dean courtesy of Code Pink. I would see other men whom I had gifted earlier, passing by for lunch. They would smile and pat their trousers and assure me that they still had their balls. I hope they understand that having them and using them are two different things. Many of the men and women who passed by asked if they could have their pictures taken with the fairy godmothers and we were happy to oblige. We also invited them to drop by our Code Pink hospitality open house in the San Carlos Hotel. Several came and signed out guest book.
For the particularly weak kneed Democrats, we also had “atomic balls” individually wrapped. Now, now, calm down “big brother cointel-pro”; go sneak a peak in someone else’s e-mail. It was just candy jawbreakers, not lawbreakers, ok?
Where was I? Oh, yes. Later in the day on Friday, we took a page out of the Secret Service’s play book and changed into our Code Pink super duper double secret under cover T-shirts that said CODE PINK on the front so we could go incognito. Then we went in the side door of the hotel, slipped upstairs, and registered as guests for the convention. After showing a picture ID etc., we were both given a “Guest” badge to hang around our necks. We decided to check out the meeting with the Military families. Howard Dean came by and spoke. After he left, Maxine Waters got up and said that while framing was important we must also “speak truth to power”. I waited afterward to tell her how much I agreed with her and told her she and John Conyers give me hope. I pointed out that the Dems wouldn’t be in the mess they are in if they had simply spoken truth to power sooner! She gave me a great hug. When I described our morning activities to her, she burst into surprised laughter and gave me a high five.
She frowned and asked, “And no one from the party came down to defend you?”
“No”, I replied.
“Are you going to be there again tomorrow?” she asked.
“Oh, yes, indeed”, I said.
“Well, then I’m coming down! she said with authority.
By Saturday, the fairy godmothers were all the buzz. We were on the corner by 9 am and obliging more Dems with photo-ops. Channels 12 and 3 showed up and shot some footage. I granted them each an interview but I suspect they were too timid to show those interviews on air. I cannot imagine why.
Evidently at least one of them aired their footage because my neighbor pulled up beside my car this evening, rolled down his window, and hollered out that he guessed he knew what I was going to be for next Halloween. Then he gracefully waved an imaginary wand in the air as if knighting someone. I chalked it up to Goddess envy. Actually, though, he was quite talented… he waved very well for someone who doesn’t know how to walk in heels yet. Perhaps in his next life he can be in the goddess tryouts. If Bush can be president, anything is possible! Just imagine what my neighbor will think when he finds out about the balls?
After the press had left, the Code Pink Elves helped us fairy godmothers slip in the side door and up the escalators to the level where the main meeting of the day was to take place. Hotel security was beside themselves; they hovered around the corner all in a huddle trying to figure out how to dispense with us — but this day our passes befuddled them; they gave us furtive glances while the mumbled into their walkie talkies or cell phones all aglow. What to do, what to do? There was always some dignitary by our side getting pics for their home state while others passed by and bowed or courtseyed to receive another blessing of peace from our magic wand with the pink balls suspended from its tip.
Like a rising sun from beneath the horizon, rose the Dems on the escalator… when what to their surprise should they see but two fairy godmothers dangling balls all aglee!
Did you know that people in the DLC don’t believe in fairy godmothers? They can’t even see us! Shocking but true. That’s ok, we fairy godmothers don’t believe in them either!
After the meeting room had cleared out it was time to descend to the mortal realm of the Lobby and see what good mi
ght be accomplished there. I spied Harry Mitchel, the new chair of the Democratic Party of Arizona, talking to a couple of spit and polished suits. I thought he might need our help so just in case, I slipped behind him and suspended my wand over his head. Someone said, “Harry, turn around” and he did. He seemed pleased to have his picture taken with the Fairy Godmother Pinkerina. I reminded him that he had been my son’s favorite highschool teacher and he happily posed with me for our Code Pink Shutter Bugs.
While I, Fairy Godmother Pinkerina, was passing out blessings of peace, the Code Pink Elves of Peace had been doing their part as well. The elevator they were waiting for arrived with Howard Dean on board. The doors opened, he saw them, smiled, and goodnaturedly told them ok, come on in (like an indulgent dad telling his children they can stay up an hour longer). I hear his security people didn’t look all that crazy about the idea but our elves gave Howard Dean two Code Pink T-shirts… one for himself and one for his wife instead of the dreaded “pink slip” from Code Pink that some politicians have been known to receive for bad behavior. In appreciation, Mr. Dean held up the shirts and let our elves take his picture holding them. He’s a brave man, our Mr. Howard Dean. The DLC’s evil elves are surely whispering “fringe group” in his ear whenever they see us — as if Peace were some radical, new wave idea. They wouldn’t be caught dead with a pink shirt but I’ll bet they’re all for Arpaio’s pink underwear.
Last on the list was the meeting of the Democratic women’s conference. I and my sister fairy godmother made a pass through the room to see if anyone needed help. One sweet older woman asked me, “Fairy Godmother, are you here to have us click our heels and to take us back to Kansas?” I said, “No, I’m here to take us back to the United States I grew up in. I miss it and I want it back and I will be in the streets until I get it.” She seemed very pleased with that answer. Mr. Dean was to address this group of women also but it appeared he was running late.
While waiting for Mr. Dean… I thought hotel security had given up but now there were only two of us instead of 5 or 6 and they sent an “unmarked” employee over to try and trick us into “handing something out” which they had said we could not do. How very odd, I thought, because everyone at conventions hands things out. I also thought it was odd when the stealth employee started telling me how much he loved the color pink but then I thought whatever. One of the other fairy godmother’s woman friends was standing there and asked for a card. The other fairy godmother was out so she asked me if I had any. I dug up a card but handed it to the “unmarked” employee by mistake. The other fairy godmother let me know it was actually intended for her female friend and so we had him give her the card. He seemed like he wanted the card so I fished out another in case he really wanted it. He took it and walked away.
Shortly thereafter the head security fellow came over and informed me there was no soliciting inside the hotel. I told him I wasn’t soliciting. He pointed at the basket and said that’s soliciting. I told him no, it isn’t. I told him I hadn’t been handing anything out (and once inside the hotel, I hadn’t – however I did tell one person I couldn’t give them to her but she could steal a pair of balls from my basket if she wished
Howard Dean showed up in a bit of a hurry. When he neared the door, a woman asked him if she could get a picture taken with him. He agreed to a quick pic. She passed her camera to a friend — I thought he might need some additional help so I suspended my wand with pink balls over his head from behind and the friend snapped the picture. Mr. Dean, realizing what I had done, quickly turned toward me, flashed me a grin and pointed playfully at me with his index finger pointed, thumb up, and other fingers curled before scooting in for his appointed talk. Code Pinked yet again! Oh my goodness!
My main work was done and I retired to the Code Pink Hospitality Suite. I slipped into my Code Pink T-shirt and pants and we went to dinner; then we held our open house. Guess what. The visitors still wanted more pictures with us and the magic wand. They told us that everyone was talking about the fairy godmothers and laughing. If they were Republicans, they’d probably be trying to sue us
Good day to you Sir Charles! Peace be upon you!
Your Fairy Godmother Pinkerina, Fairy Godmother Code Pink and our Elves wish you a happy holiday.