Now before you go all logos or pathos on me, I have not been seeing any wraiths or spirits, at least not more than I usually do. Where I live, in Tucson, this month is a lead up to the All Souls Procession. This month, in my life, is a month when I think a lot about those who have left the world of the living, because of the many birthdays I would be celebrating with those people whose absence truly does create a void in my life.
I think my dad is the person in my close family with whom I most miss conversation, discussion, and story-telling. I didn’t really get to have all that many conversations with my dad when I was an adult. He was gone before I had a child and before I realized in mid-life that he and I were very much alike. A perfect impossible day would be spent with him under a split trunk box elder tree looking over the farm fields I knew as a youth . There would be lemonade and angel food cake. History, philosophy, and religion would be discussed in depth. Paradox and inconsistency would be noted. Eyes would twinkle. Family history and folklore would be dissected. Possible revisions would be made. It would be grand.
But, as I cannot live that impossibility, other than in pleasant thoughts, I have been listening to The Evolution of God, by Robert Wright, and The 4 Percent Universe: Dark Matter, Dark Energy, and the Race to Discover the Rest of Reality by Richard Panek.
So you see, I am not really having conversations with a ghost. I am listening to and having thoughts about books that recreate, for me, the mind space that I’d like to think Dad and I would be sharing if we could talk. A ghost, a shade, a shadow of him is with me as I do this. It is comforting.
With so much of the universe missing, is it any wonder that we little humans try to construct meaning from the voids we note in our lives?
Nancy, I so get this. Beautiful post in honor of your dad. My father would have been 91 this year, which is 33 birthdays I didn’t get to spend with him. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him.
You do get it, Linda! I am sorry you, too, have to miss your dad on important days just as I do.
What a beautiful post. I think we always keep those we lost close to us in some way and try to keep their space filled with the things we miss about them. I don’t think you’re talking to a ghost – I think it’s your dad’s spirit.
Lois, you are so right. Dad’s spirit is with me. But I create post titles to get attention. 🙂
A lovely post. Even if you really WERE conversing with a ghost (not just creating catchy post titles :-D) I’d not think twice, just envy the connection. Sounds like the void makes you appreciate your father tenfold and you’ve found a way to be at peace with the absence. I so admire that.
Lisa, what a great observation. I have made peace with his absence. In the last few years I have come to a good place in learning to accept people and events in my life as they presented themselves and to focus on and frame with my own filters. It was not easy, but I’m glad I have traveled to this point.
This was so interesting and unique. What a wonderful way to remember our loved ones on the other side.
“Interesting and unique.” Just like my dad! Thanks.
For a couple years before she died we spoke every day, at least once a day – on my way to and/or from work every day. I still pick up the phone and think she might just be on the other end waiting to hear what I think about something and to give me her opinion :)! Call me crazy but sometimes I talk to my mom (in my mind) when I read or listen to books, especially ones that make me think or wonder. I so miss her point of view and, yes, her opinions….
Thanks for triggering that sweet memory Nancy!
Ruth, thank heavens I’m not the only one!